I woke up with a jolt, grabbing what I could in the dark. My hand, in auto-mode, found my smartphone, and checked the time. 3:39AM
Why did I wake? The first question in my mind.
And then, a gripping terror. Someone has died. I lie frozen, my eyes piercing the darkness as my mind whips through the images of people. My old friend, her new born baby. My mother, my brothers.
My head turns to the window. I want to look outside but I can’t. My head turns again and I grab my pillow, desperate to fall back to sleep.
Just as my mind starts to clear, and my vision blurs, dreams re-enter. My eyelids flutter open and shut. No! Stay awake! But it’s too late. The nightmare has taken over once more.
It’s time for me to christen you with a name, because I realise that referring to you by any other name (or no name) will defeat the purpose of my self development. So I do acknowledge you, I have claimed you and therefore, you are mine. And I shall call you… Subconscious!
So, Subconscious! You have been contained for far too long in this twenty-eight year old vessel. And though that might sound pathetic really, I must remind you that you have always been a late bloomer, despite certain premature aspects of your life development.
Today, we did the Chakra. I’m still not sure what it’s called, but we shall label it that, because calling it meditation puts pressure on me to sound like someone other than myself and certainly to sound like someone more of my actual biological age.
But age is nothing but a label in itself. A stereotype of self expectations that do not reflect you. You, my inner needs. You are (and therefore, I am) much younger than the physical world implies that I am, yet I feel so connected to the ageless spiritualness of nature. So I don’t care. Subconscious! Guide me.